If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3) Read online

  It was their house. The one they planned, the one they dreamed of building when he became a software king and she conquered the art world. They lay together, her sketching, him making suggestions until it was perfect.

  She burned all the drawings. Except for the one she crumpled and threw at his feet right after he broke her heart. She wanted no reminders of what would never be. Yet here it was. Exactly as she remembered.

  Clean lines. Both she and Drew spent their childhoods in traditional houses. His on a much grander scale, but it amounted to the same thing. They wanted different.

  It was a modern design. At the time, they laughed calling it Frank Lloyd Wright meets the Jetsons. Looking at it now with an older, more experienced eye, Tyler was amazed at how much they got right. The front was nothing but windows. Perfect for the location. The view from the inside would be of the trees. Pines, tall enough to shield but not block out the morning light. They would be a bitch to clean but who thought of that when you were a teenager designing your dream house? Tyler doubted Drew took out a bucket and rag when all those windows needed spiffing up. He could afford to have it done professionally.

  An unbroken balcony circled the house’s second story. Tyler wondered if Harper Falls was visible from up there. If she could manage to get out of her car and approach the house, she might find out.

  Her heart pounded in her chest like a jackhammer, and her stomach was in a million knots. Not a great combination. She didn’t know if she was about to have a heart attack or throw up. Wouldn’t it be just perfect if she did both?

  I could still leave, Tyler thought, warming to the idea. It would be embarrassing, running like a scared rabbit. Drew wasn’t likely to chase her down the road or block the gate.

  Was that what she wanted? To run?

  When the front door opened and Drew came out, walking towards her car, Tyler sighed with relief. The choice had been taken out of her hands. Now that she saw him, she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

  Drew walked toward Tyler on shaky legs. She was the only person who ever made him nervous. At fifteen, she laughed at his quasi-sophistication, knocking him down to earth, making him feel real for the first time in his life. All these years later, having her here at the house he built with her in mind, he felt sixteen again. A little unsure and a lot scared.

  ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER

  DREW DIDN’T KNOW how or when it happened, but he and Tyler were firmly in the friend zone. A short two weeks after he teased her about giving him a kiss, he was no closer to getting one. If anything, he was miles farther away.

  It became a daily occurrence to meet down by the river, in their cove. That was how he thought of it now. Theirs. By some unspoken agreement, Tyler would be waiting. Afternoon was best. They both worked in the mornings, saving money to make their big breaks from Harper Falls.

  It was something he hadn’t shared with another living soul. His plans for the future, one away from here and his family’s expectations. Telling Tyler had been as natural as breathing — it just happened. They would sit, drinking the lemonade she brought, or eating the apples he provided. And they would talk.

  Tyler opened up about her family. Her absentee father. The mother she adored but whose timidity was so frustrating, she wanted to shake the woman at times. Beg her to stand up for herself against her bully of a husband. M.J. and Kyle took so much pleasure in making their mother’s life miserable. Just once Tyler wished the woman would give as good as she got.

  Tyler loved her mother — she didn’t have very much respect for her.

  Drew let Tyler in on his family secrets. His mother, the great and powerful Regina Harper, was a cold, unforgiving person. No one could live up to her exacting standards. Not the husband she never loved nor the son whom she looked upon as an asset — her link to the future.

  He figured out early in life that Regina didn’t have the time or patience to be a mother. Not by any standard measurement. There had been a different nanny every year. He wasn’t allowed to form any long-term attachments. She might not want the job of raising him, but she wouldn’t allow another woman to take on that role. As a result, Drew grew up with no mother figure.

  And his father, Tyler asked. That was a hard one. Drew’s first instinct was to say Russell Harper was just like her mother. He stopped himself. His father was not a weak man easily cowered by a stronger personality. He didn’t love his wife; she didn’t love him. It wasn’t something either of his parents could hide.

  Drew was still naive enough to think things like that were fixable when he asked his father why they didn’t get a divorce. The answer was simple. Harpers married for life. It seemed extreme. It certainly made them both unhappy. The family had an image to maintain, Russell told him. Someday he would understand.

  “That is really screwed up. I thought my parents were the top of the weird list; they could take lessons from yours.”

  Tyler sat on a big, smooth rock, her long legs swinging to her own beat. They were great legs, Drew thought. Shapely, tan and went on forever. He thoroughly approved of the shorts she always wore. They were paired with different-colored tank tops. Plenty of skin was on display for him to enjoy.

  “Hey, are you listening?”

  “Sorry.”

  Drew pulled his eyes away from her legs. The look she gave told him she knew where his gaze had been. Her smile made him wonder if she liked him looking.

  “What did I miss?”

  “I asked if you had a good relationship with your dad. The way you talk about him, my guess would be yes.”

  “He’s a good man,” Drew said. “When it’s just the two of us, things are great. We go fishing out on our boat. Regina doesn’t do water. I think he uses it as a way to leave her behind.”

  “You always call her Regina, never Mom.”

  Drew shrugged. “I don’t think of her that way. I’ve been assured that she gave birth to me though it’s hard to imagine her doing anything that would ruin her figure. If we didn’t have the same eyes, I would have my doubts.”

  “Maybe they used a surrogate. Regina’s egg, your dad’s sperm. Petri dish, artificial insemination. Nine months later, an heir is born and Reggie keeps her trim bod. No chance of stretch marks, either.”

  Tyler was kidding, he knew that. Funny thing, it was an idea he toyed with from time to time. There were no pictures of a pregnant Regina. All he had was her word for it. And his father? It might be an uncomfortable conversation; Drew was sure his father would tell him the truth.

  “I wasn’t serious.” She playfully punched him in the arm. “About the whole surrogate thing. I’m sure you came into this world the way most of us did.”

  “I don’t think it would bother me.” Drew realized he felt comfortable talking about anything with Tyler. His old circle of friends would have crucified him over this, spreading the details all over the school before the first bell. Now that he thought about it, calling them his friends was a bit of a stretch. Their parents threw them in the same group since infancy. Birthday parties, dances, dating. This was the first time in his life that he stepped out of that crowd. He wasn’t even sure why. Habit? Complacency? The knowledge that it was all temporary?

  The day after graduation, he was out of here. Everything up to that point was just treading water. Or it was, until Tyler. Now he saw his final year of school as more than just a jail sentence. Where, if he was a good boy and played by the rules, his life sentence would be commuted and he would be let out early for good behavior.

  “Do you ever feel like you’re in prison?”

  Drew looked at her in surprise. When had she started reading his mind?

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Only every day. It didn’t always feel this way, you know? Rose and Dani understand. We all want out. We will get out.” She turned to Drew, facing him fully, her eyes steely gray with determination. “You’re the only person who knows. Dani’s parents love her so much, they’ll be fine with her leaving cause they know she’ll be back, at lea
st to visit. Rose doesn’t have anyone but us, so there isn’t anyone to stop her.”

  “Will your family stop you?” From what she said, it didn’t sound like they cared enough to bother.

  “Mom would be okay if I told her. She would miss me, but I think she’d give me her blessing. My father and brothers, though, I’m afraid they would do anything to keep me here.”

  “Why?”

  She broke eye contact, suddenly fascinated by the water lapping at the shore. When she turned back, the gray had turned from steel to cloudy and pale.

  “Because they can’t leave. My father should have taken off years ago, we all would have been better off. Now he’s painted himself as a martyr, doing his duty to the bitter end.”

  Drew picked up her hand, covering it with both of his. She squeezed, a silent thank you for his show of comfort.

  “My brothers talk like they would leave. If they had the money, if the economy was better. The truth is they don’t want to go. Life is good for the Jones boys. A free place to live, hot meals, and someone to clean up after them. Why would they trade that for a place where they would be expected to fend for themselves?”

  “They resent that you can, and do, take care of yourself.”

  “And my father is scared to death that I will be a success, be happy. Misery loves company after all. Even if that company comes in the form of a daughter you never wanted or loved.”

  After a few minutes, Tyler shook her head, throwing off the bad feelings. She smiled and damned if it didn’t almost reach her eyes. At least the clouds were gone.

  “How about you? Is anyone going to stop your migration?”

  “No, because they don’t know the trip is permanent. I’m allowed four years of college at the school of my choice. Dad just assumes I’ll be back.”

  “And Regina?”

  “No assumptions. As far as she’s concerned, it’s written in stone and traced over with permanent ink. I’m a Harper. Nothing else needs to be said.”

  “Nothing?”

  “Just constant reminders of duty, legacy. How nothing has tarnished the family name for six generations.”

  “Why not seven? What did the generation before the sixth do that was so terrible?”

  “Hell if I know. Maybe some enterprising immigrant changed their name. Could be Harper was originally Harpinski. Can’t have that on the family tree.” Drew gave an exaggerated shudder.

  “That would be wild.” Tyler chuckled.

  “Regina would roll over in her soon-to-be premature grave. The only thing that’s stopped me from suggesting it is my need to keep on her good side for one more year. I’m respectful, both in words and in deeds. I’ve become a master at toeing the proverbial line.”

  This time when Tyler glanced his way, there was a definite twinkle in her eyes.

  “What would she do if she found out how you’ve been spending your afternoons?”

  “She wouldn’t be happy.”

  “Yeah, my father would throw a hissy too. Reaching above myself is how he would put it.”

  “I’m not above you, Tyler.”

  Drew was horrified at the thought. She couldn’t believe he thought that way.

  “Damn straight you aren’t. I wouldn’t be here if I imagined for a moment that you believed that crap.”

  “Good. I like our time together.”

  “Still,” she cocked her head, a slight smile on her lips, “we’d both be in for it if anyone found out. We’re taking chances with our futures. I say we make it count.”

  Leaning over, she glued her lips to his. And just like that, they moved out of the friend zone.

  DREW’S VISION CLEARED, the past fading away. The years slipped away bringing him face-to-face with a very different Tyler, tougher, more reserved, and even more beautiful. No longer a girl, he hoped she would give him the chance to get to know the woman she was now.

  Taking a deep breath, he reached out and opened her car door.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  Once upon a time, they never ran out of things to say. Now “Hi” was the best they could do.

  “Is there a problem? I mean, I wasn’t expecting you, or anyone, tonight.”

  Drew held out a hand to help her from the car, snatching it back when she got out on her own.

  “There is a problem.”

  “What?” He tensed. “Did M.J. come back? Is he giving you trouble?”

  “I can handle my brother.”

  Tyler moved closer. Drew stepped back, his eyes suddenly wary. Sighing, she grabbed the front of his t-shirt, the fingers of her other hand threading through his thick, dark hair. Soft. She remembered the feel like it was yesterday. Her hope had been that he would be as eager as she was. The attraction was still there, it was time to do something about it. Apparently, he wasn’t going to make this easy. So she did what she had all those years ago when he wouldn’t make the first move — she kissed him first.

  Prime rib to a starving man. Ten years without even a taste, Drew couldn’t help but devour her.

  The kiss was primal, out of control. Mouths seeking angle after angle, tongues dueling. And the way Tyler tasted. Sweet and spicy and utterly delicious.

  In his dreams, he imagined this differently. Slower. He would show her how a man kissed as opposed to the boy he had been. One touch of her lips on his and all those grand plans flew out the window along with any common sense he ever possessed. Tyler was in his arms. Familiar yet new. He needed her and he was never letting go.

  Drew’s hands went under the hem of her shirt slowly sliding up her smooth, hot skin. He could feel the erotic combination of vulnerability and strength in the subtle muscles of her back. She had filled out, they both had. He wanted to spend days discovering all the differences then start all over again, just in case he missed something the first time.

  The kiss was neverending though the desperation; instead of lessening, scaled higher. He could lift her into his arms, carry her into the house, rip every scrap of clothing from her delicious body, and fuck for hours.

  Fuck. Well, fuck.

  The word wasn’t exactly a bucket of cold water, the desperate heat running through his veins needed more than that. But it did lift the haze. If he didn’t stop this right now, there would be no turning back.

  “Tyler.”

  The word sounded foreign, all guttural. His voice was hoarse with passion and his body screamed every swear word known to man. Why are you stopping? Beautiful woman. Willing. Her hands are all over you. Right now, she was reaching between his legs. The first caress was almost his undoing. It felt so good, so right. No one could touch him like Tyler.

  The sexual haze enveloped him again. Don’t fight it, his body urged. Feel her lips on your jaw, your neck. God. Her teeth biting your earlobe. That alone brought him close to going over the top. Damn his good intentions. Talking was way overrated. Pulling her in until their bodies were flush and he could feel every long, luscious inch of her — plastered against him. Drew was going in for another kiss when her words did what his own reasoning couldn’t. It wasn’t a bucket of cold water; it was a fire hose — turned on full blast.

  “Fuck me, Drew. Right here, up against my car. Let’s get this thing done, once and for all.”

  “Holy Christ.”

  He wrenched himself away from her, turning so he couldn’t see her passion-filled face. She wanted to get him out of her system with one colossal fuck fest. Tyler had suggested it before. The perfect solution. What had she called it? One and done?

  Resting his hands on the hood of her car, Drew let his head droop forward trying to regulate his breathing. Was that all she thought was left? Sex. She would take her fill and walk away. No looking back. No regrets. Well, he wasn’t going to make it that easy — not on either of them.

  “This isn’t going to happen, Tyler.”

  There was a long pause prompting Drew to venture a peek in her direction. She looked wonderfully disheveled. Her glossy near-black hair muss
ed, her lips puffy and slightly open.

  Do not think about how they got that way.

  But mostly, she looked royally pissed off.

  “Are you saying no? Honestly?”

  Tyler let off a stream of foul language that had Drew raising his eyebrows. Imaginative and lengthy. If it hadn’t been directed at him, he would have been impressed.

  “You’ve expanded your vocabulary in the past ten years.”

  “I knew those words back then. I just never had a reason to use them.”

  Rearranging her clothes, she glared. Molten steel. Her eyes burned with fury and frustration.

  “I would say fuck you, Drew Harper, but what would be the point?”

  When she tried to open the car door, Drew put a hand over hers.

  “Don’t go, Tyler. Come inside, talk to me. Let me talk to you.”

  She turned her head slowly, surprise replacing anger on her face.

  “Now? After all this time, you want to talk?”

  “I need you to hear me out.”

  “I can’t fault you for your nerve. I needed to hear you out ten years ago. Or five years ago. Even three. Hell, you could have come to me as soon as you moved back to Harper Falls. Why now? What’s suddenly changed?”

  When he didn’t answer right away, Tyler rounded on him. A mixture of anger and frustration making her reckless.

  “Did you enjoy watching me date other men?”

  “What?” Realizing where this was going, he held up a hand as though it could stem her words.

  “Don’t do this, Tyler.”

  “Don’t do what? Remind you of all the men I’ve been with since you’ve been in town. How about all the ones I’ve had in the last ten years. My memory is excellent. You might want to take a seat, though. This could take a while.”

  “Stop it, now.”