If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3) Read online

  Tyler twisted, determined to get away from a fantasy that broke her heart over and over again.

  “Ty, baby. Stop or I’ll drop you.”

  “Drew?”

  “You were conked out. I’m taking you to my RV where you can stretch out.”

  “Not a dream.”

  Drew laughed. “The way I look and smell, more like a nightmare.”

  “You look fine.” Edible. “And you smell, well, not great. But better than those other unwashed souls out there.”

  “That’s because I shower more than once a month.”

  “Lovely. You’ve just managed to do the impossible. Make them even less appealing.”

  The tension from her body drained. This felt good, being in his arms. It felt right.

  “Drew — wait a minute. You have an RV?”

  “Two. Tripper and Al share. I have my own. They’re a must out here in the middle of nowhere. That and a generator. Practically all the comforts of home.”

  “You mean all this time I could have been in the cool—” she thought for a second. “It is cool in there?”

  “That’s one of the reasons I have a generator.”

  “Right. Why was I suffering when I didn’t have to? Unless it was your way of punishing me for coming here.”

  “No. I’ll punish you in a way that will give me a lot more pleasure than making you sweat. I didn’t want you alone, Ty. When I said it isn’t safe, I meant it.”

  “Even with the door locked and your gun nearby?”

  “Not even then.” He turned his head, his eyes meeting hers. “Why would you think I had a gun?”

  “You used to be a bodyguard. You run a hugely successful security firm. Of course, you would bring a gun to a place like this.”

  “Smart girl.”

  “Smart boy.”

  Drew put Tyler down in front of the RV. There was a keypad next to the door. He punched in the numbers before fitting a key into the lock.

  “I could have walked.” And she could have said something sooner.

  “I could have let you. I think we both preferred my method.”

  “Now don’t start getting cocky, boyo. We’re in early stages here. I’m still on board for some hot sex. And I agree that we should talk. Getting smug is reserved for further down the road.”

  “Give me a timeframe. A week, month? Next year?”

  Tyler held back a smile. “Let’s just play it by ear.”

  “No problem. After you.”

  From the outside, the RV looked like a vehicle on its last legs. Rust, dents, a crack in the back window that ran from side to side. The interior looked like something out of Recreational Vehicles Beautiful.

  “Drew, this is not what I expected.”

  “The exterior is just for show. I’m not looking to advertise my financial situation.”

  “Outside, it’s King of the Road; inside you live like a king. Impressive.”

  “Roger Miller.”

  “Very impressive.” Tyler gave him a slow smile. “How did you know that?”

  “You and your friends don’t hold the monopoly on song and movie references.”

  “True. It doesn’t hurt to have a smartphone at your fingertips.”

  “How did you know?”

  Tyler tipped her head towards the wall behind him.

  “Never stand with your back to a mirror if you want to hide what’s in your hand.”

  Drew glanced back and groaned. “Busted.”

  “Really impressive keyboard skills, though. Fast and blind. You always did have mad computer skills but with that typing ability, you’ll make someone a terrific secretary.”

  “Personal assistant. Get on the P.C. train, Tyler.”

  “Sorry,” she laughed. “How about a tour.”

  “There’s not a lot to see. Sitting area, kitchen. Bathroom and bedroom in the back.”

  Not big but luxurious. Even though Tyler wasn’t up on the latest in RV chic, she imagined this was as good as it got. Granite countertops, Sub-Zero fridge. The upholstery on the chairs wasn’t that wash and wear stuff you found in most RVs; it was soft. She wanted to sink in and stay for days.

  “You said there’s a bedroom?”

  Tyler turned toward him. She didn’t mean to lick her lip; nerves — a reflex. Drew’s eyes widened slightly, his breathing deepened. Honestly, she wasn’t trying to be deliberately provocative. But they were as close to a bed as they’d ever been. As teenagers, they hadn’t needed one. They jumped each other every chance they had, any place they could find. That had never included a bed.

  “I need a shower, a cold one. Make yourself at home. Snoop through drawers. I won’t be long.”

  “Men snoop too.”

  “Did I say otherwise?”

  Tyler trailed behind him, her eyes never leaving his butt — until he pulled off his grimy t-shirt. Holy mother of God. Every part of that man was perfection. His back rippled with muscles no desk jockey should possess. Long and well-defined, she wanted to start from the top and lick every inch. Including that lovely little dip just shadowed by the waistband of his jeans.

  “I would love a shower.”

  “I won’t be long.”

  “Just think of the water we could save if you let me wash your back.”

  Drew stopped in the middle of unsnapping his jeans. Tyler’s finger was running up and down her chest, drawing attention. The ends of her sleeveless blouse were tied into a knot just below her breasts, leaving plenty of smooth skin bare.

  She had been a distraction all afternoon, now she was driving him and his control crazy.

  “Go green, Drew. Conserving water is a good thing.”

  “Stop,” he shouted when she began to loosen the knot. “If you get in that shower with me, I would clean you top to bottom — twice. Before I was done, we’d run out of water. Nothing green about that.”

  “You don’t know what you’re missing,” Tyler called the words to a closed door. He could move fast, especially when motivated.

  Sitting on the edge of the surprisingly spacious double bed, Tyler considered sliding out of her clothes and greeting him wearing nothing but a smile. The idea had a lot of appeal but in the end, she decided to wait. She really needed a shower. After which they could get all sweaty again — together.

  She heard the bathroom door open.

  “When you say you won’t be long, you aren’t kid—”

  “Something wrong?”

  He had to know how good he looked. Long, muscled body, still slightly damp. And the ridiculous excuse for a towel riding low on his hips. He was enough to make women beg and gay men weep.

  “Nope.” Tyler stood, popping the button on her short shorts. Mr. Drew Harper wanted to parade around barely hiding his privates? It was time for her to get in the game.

  “I’m excited,” she pulled the knot on her shirt loose, her eyes glued to his, “to get in the shower, that’s all.”

  The blouse hit the floor followed quickly by the shorts. She stood in front of him in nothing but two scraps of crimson lace.

  “Evil,” Drew whispered under his breath.

  “Did you say something?”

  He just shook his head, watching as she released her hair from its high knot. She shook it loose, the long dark strands settling over her shoulders, the ends swaying against the tops of her breasts.

  “Like what you see?”

  “You’ll do.”

  “Now that’s an understatement if ever I heard one.”

  Her gaze drifted down the front of his towel. It was highly satisfying to know she caused the tenting that was threatening to knock the cloth from his hips.

  “You used to like me naked. Since false modesty would be silly at this point, I’ll point out that I look a damn sight better than I did at sixteen.”

  She advanced. Close, but not too close. This time the first move had to be his.

  “I can see the pulse in your throat. Your heart is beating like a humming bird’s wings. Is tha
t for me, Drew? The ragged little breaths. That lovely erection. Why are you waiting?”

  “Ty…”

  “Yes?”

  “Take your shower.”

  “Unbelievable! You are just… Unbelievable!”

  Tyler stomped past him, slamming the bathroom door. The little gesture felt good — briefly. Turning the water on, she piled her hair back up. Stepping under the cool, refreshing spray, she just stood there, her brain zipping around.

  Why? This was the third time she had offered herself to him. He might be able to control his impulses; his body was another matter.

  Well, she was through. If he wanted her, he would have to do something about it. If he didn’t? He better take another shower and wank himself off. She sure as hell didn’t want to look at a hard cock all evening when she knew she wasn’t going to get to enjoy it.

  The shower felt wonderful. Unfortunately, it didn’t do much to cool her down. She dried off then remembered she’d left her bag in the lounge area. It had her brush, lotion, and lip-gloss. Essentials, especially in this dry heat.

  Holding up a towel she found out it wasn’t long enough to cover everything. Two would work, one for the top, one for the bottom. Perfect solution. If she had two towels. Drew hadn’t been expecting company so it wasn’t a surprise to find the bathroom lacking in extra linen. It presented an interesting quandary. Call out and ask him to get her bag. Or parade half-naked through the bedroom to get it herself.

  She still hadn’t decided when Drew knocked on the door.

  “I have your bag, Tyler.”

  Without a word, she opened the door just enough to reach through and pull the oversized purse inside. The only naked part of her he saw was her arm.

  She could have brooded. As good as it might have felt to punish him by lingering over her post-shower activities, Tyler decided the only one to suffer would be her.

  The room was small and steamy. The ventilation did little to clear the air and the effects of her cool shower would soon be obliterated if she didn’t get out soon. Moving quickly, she slathered lotion on her body. Brushing her teeth and hair completed the transformation. Wiping at the fogged-over mirror, she peered at herself and decided she would do.

  The loose summer dress she tucked in the bag was all she needed in the way of clothing. When she threw it in earlier that morning, she wasn’t thinking beyond having something along that traveled well. No fuss, no muss. Worrying if Drew would find the pale yellow sheath seductive was the last thing on her mind. After the last half hour, she couldn’t have cared less.

  Prepared to ignore him and march into the other room, Tyler opened the bathroom door and stepped into the wonderfully cool bedroom. Her plans to glide past him, calm and collected, ended when she saw the prone form on the bed. Drew was stretched out, the sheet around his waist — sound asleep.

  Every drop of self-righteous indignation drained from her body. It was hard to stay angry with an exhausted man who hadn’t really done anything wrong.

  Tyler stayed still, not wanting to disturb him. More than anything, she wanted to join him, crawl in bed, and wrap herself around his body. The idea of just sleeping with Drew, waking with him close. Something couples did every day and took for granted.

  The ache she felt deep inside had nothing to do with sex. She wanted something even more basic. A connection. A closeness. The thing that would give her the right to join him without an invitation. The feeling that she belonged in his arms and he belonged in hers.

  He needed his sleep. Ready to spend the night alone, Tyler turned only to be stopped by a hand on hers. Drew’s fingers locked with hers as though willing that connection she was just thinking about.

  “I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I only nodded off for a second. We got an early start and I didn’t realize how much that sun had drained me.”

  “I’ll let you get some rest. Trapper told me your race starts at eight.”

  “Mmm.” Drew ran his thumb along hers, amazed that such strong hands could be so soft.

  “You need to let go.”

  “That’s always been my problem, Ty. I can’t let you go.”

  “You did once. Quite easily and without a backward glance.”

  Drew swallowed hard past the lump in his throat.

  “Let me hold you?”

  Tyler hesitated. It was what she had longed for just moments before. Now she found it hard to take the two steps that would put her in his arms.

  “Please.” Drew moved to the other side of the bed, tugging her hand.

  Nodding, she slid in beside him. She didn’t remove her dress or get under the sheet. She laid her head next to his, their faces a mere whisper’s breath apart. Drew took her hand, resting it on his hip while he trailed his hand up her arm until he cupped her neck. He didn’t pull her any closer. His touch was gentle, a soft, easy caress. Unconsciously, she started making the same movement. Her hand lightly massaging. The thin sheet was the only thing separating her hand from his skin.

  “We’ve never shared a bed.”

  “Funny, a little earlier I was thinking the same thing.”

  Time ticked away unnoticed. They were contented just to be, their eyes half closed yet intent on the other.

  “I keep thinking about us. How it was.”

  “You too?” she asked. Her hand tightened, squeezing his hip, then relaxing again.

  “For the first time in a long time. I used to try not to remember. Then for a while, my memories became all muddled. I could see you clearly; it was everything else that became distorted.”

  “Like a photograph that over time had become faded and a bit blurry? I know what you mean.”

  Drew sighed, relieved that she understood, that it was the same for her.

  “I was scared, Ty. I didn’t want it all to slip away. Lately, though, I’ve seen it all so clearly. The first time we met. Every trip down to the cove.”

  “Our first kiss.” Tyler shifted closer. She started to feel that elusive connection again.

  “Especially our first kiss. You tasted like green apples.”

  She smiled. “My favorite Jolly Rancher flavor.”

  He knew that. There was a package in the drawer of his desk. He was never without them. For ten years, they were his touchstone to Tyler. That little bit of information he kept to himself for now. Someday. Maybe.

  “Our first time.” Tyler looked down, feeling strangely shy.

  “God, I was scared.”

  “It didn’t show.”

  “I knew you were nervous.” He smoothed back her hair, curling the end around his finger. “I wanted to be your rock, calm your fears.”

  “Fears? I don’t remember having any. I knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted it with you. I was a little nervous, though.”

  “It was all I could do to keep from shaking. What if I messed up and you ended up hating sex for life? I chanted in my head, Make sure she has an orgasm, make sure she has an orgasm.”

  “I didn’t have an orgasm.” She reminded him.

  “No, you did not.”

  Tyler brought his hand to her lips, her kiss warm and sweet.

  “It was lovely, Drew.”

  “Is that what they call damning with faint praise?”

  “No.” This time instead of kissing his hand, she punched him on the arm — hard.

  “Hey.”

  “I can’t believe you didn’t know.”

  “Know what?”

  “Lovely was perfect. What I dreamed of.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  Looking into his eyes, Tyler willed him back. Asked him to go with her to that day. She asked him to see it, not as an eighteen-year-old with orgasms on the brain. She wanted him to see, to feel, what it was like for a sixteen-year-old virgin who thought she knew what to expect and ended up getting so much more.

  ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER

  “I GOT YOU something.”

  Tyler caught the bag Rose threw to her. Curi
ous, she looked inside.

  “Holy… How did you get these?”

  “From a very sympathetic drug store owner in Spokane.”

  She looked at Dani.

  “Did you know about this?”

  “I paid half.” She grinned. “Hey, no glove, no love.”

  Tyler picked up the box of condoms. It didn’t burn her hands. Apparently, Father Steven was wrong. Birth control did not come directly from hell to tempt young people into sin. It seemed unlikely that rhetoric changed in the three years she had stopped going to church with her mother. Not that it mattered. She was going to have sex — soon. When she did, she wasn’t taking any chances.

  “Weren’t you embarrassed?”

  Two weeks ago, when Tyler finally confessed all, Rose and Dani did exactly what she expected — supported her unconditionally. The questions had flown, of course. When had it started? How far had they gone? When were they going all the way?

  That last question had led to the subject of protection. Tyler wasn’t able to get on the pill in time for the big event. She would need a doctor in Spokane for that; she couldn’t risk going local. Then, even if she started taking them tomorrow, their effectiveness would be iffy. According to their research, the best time to start taking them would be within six days of her next period.

  Tyler had no timeframe for when she and Drew would have sex. She didn’t have a doctor though Planned Parenthood was an option. After long and involved discussions, they finally decided to skip the middleman and go right to condoms. There was always more than pregnancy to consider. As Dani pointed out, no matter how much you love him or trust him, any woman who takes a guy’s word for where he’s dipped his wick, is just asking for an STD.

  Hardly the most romantic sentiment, Tyler thought. Then again, friends weren’t supposed to encourage stupid behavior. Rose and Dani had her best interests at heart. That was why she was currently holding a box of Trojans.

  “It wasn’t the easiest conversation I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I would have done if the owner hadn’t been a woman.”

  “Did she grill you?”

  Rose shook her head.

  “Like I said, she was sympathetic. The only uncomfortable part was when she went into detail about the proper way to use them. Not at all creepy; she was great. Still, I’m glad we were the only ones in the store at the time.”