If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3) Read online

  “You hit the jackpot with her.”

  Tyler opened the box and took out a packet, handing it to Rose.

  “Teach on, Wise One. We who haven’t a clue bow down to your infinite wisdom.”

  Three days later, Tyler parked her bike in the usual spot by the river. She hadn’t seen Drew in almost a week because of his yearly camping trip with his father. He had been reluctant to leave her, but he couldn’t blow off his dad. Tyler wouldn’t have wanted him to. Rituals were important.

  Once he left for college, Drew wasn’t planning on coming back. That meant this would be his last chance to spend time alone with the man he loved and respected. His inability to curb Regina aside, Russell Harper was a good person. He had gifted his son with compassion and kindness.

  Though it was still a year until Drew would be gone, this was his time to start saying goodbye. Tyler would never begrudge him that.

  She unpacked her bag. Thermos of lemonade, blanket. Book to read in case Drew was delayed. The condoms tucked away, within reach but not sitting out like a glaring beacon declaring she was ready and willing. She was, she just didn’t want to be that obvious.

  “Ty.”

  Before she could even turn around, Drew swooped her into his arms. His kiss was long and intense, as though they had been apart months instead of days.

  Tyler kissed him back with the same desperation. Lord, how she’d missed him. In a short time, she had gotten used to their daily visits. Her Drew fix, as Dani put it. Maybe she was addicted.

  The feel of his lips on hers sent a rush through her body. Tyler had no frame of reference, but she wondered if this was how it felt to shoot drugs into your veins. The fire, the instant euphoria. Floating and grounded all at once. Knowing you never wanted it to end. Wondering, even before you were off your high when you could do it again.

  “I missed you.”

  Drew breathed the words against her mouth, not wanting to break contact. He and his father had arrived back that morning. After a week away, the extra hours, knowing she was just across the bridge yet completely out of reach, had seemed interminable.

  Of course, Regina had decided it was time for one of her State of the Family Addresses. Drew had practically been bouncing off the walls by the time she finished criticizing his and his father’s lack of Harper pride. It was the same old schtick. Drew tuned her out. How many times could she remind him of his duties? Didn’t she ever get tired of it? Finally, realizing she might as well have been talking to herself, she set him free.

  He kissed her again, not able to get enough.

  “Mmm, green apple. I’ve grown very fond of that flavor.”

  Tyler laughed, delighted by his words, delighted by him.

  “Good thing. I’m not sure I could give up my Jolly Ranchers.”

  “Not even for me?”

  “Maybe,” she conceded. “But if you loved me, you’d never ask.”

  Tyler froze. Damn it. Why had the word love slipped out? She felt it — desperately. Drew hadn’t even hinted he felt that same.

  “Then I promise, I’ll never ask.”

  Tyler felt her heart kick up a beat.

  “No?”

  Drew took a deep breath. This was big. He wanted to get it right.

  “I love you, Tyler Jones.”

  “Drew.” She gasped his name, her mouth suddenly dry.

  “Say it, Ty. Don’t make me beg.”

  “No, I wouldn’t.” She was mortified that he’d even think such a thing. “I love you. So much. It’s so big the words got stuck in my throat for a second.”

  Drew picked her up and swung her around until they were both breathless. Finally, he put her down but kept her wrapped in his arms, his mouth close to her ear. This was their place, no one to see or hear. Still, he suddenly felt the need to whisper.

  “I’ve never said it before. Not to anyone.”

  “Not even your father?” Tyler whispered back. She tightened her arms around him, wanting to comfort. She had people to love. Her mom. Rose and Dani. It was hard to imagine not having anyone.

  “I love him,” Drew said. “I do. And I know he loves me. We just don’t say it. I guess it’s a guy thing.”

  Tyler thought it was a family thing. Dani’s father told his son he loved him. All the time. She guessed it was easier to say when you’d been around it all your life. From everything Drew told her, Russell Harper hadn’t known much love in his life. Not as a child, certainly not as a married man. At least he knew how to show his son how he felt.

  Actions were great, yet Tyler knew words mattered; she didn’t have a problem saying them. She promised herself now that she was free to do so, she would tell Drew every day. Over and over. Starting now.

  “I love you.” She kissed the side of his neck. “I love you.” Another kiss, this on his jaw. “I love you.”

  Tyler pulled back a little until her eyes met his. It was all there for him to see. The crystal clear gray so bright and true. Never doubt, they said. I love you.

  “Ty.” He breathed in; a faint hint of green apple filled his senses. It was a scent that would always mean Tyler. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

  “Maybe not. Not yet. But I want to learn.”

  Taking his hand, she led him to the blanket.

  “Show me, Drew. Now.”

  “Tyler.” Drew felt a touch of panic.

  She knelt, pulling him down with her. They had done things. Touched, explored. All with their clothes on. She knew the feel of his skin, but she never watched her hands running over the hot, smooth surface. She wanted that, dreamt of it.

  “Kiss me. Make love to me.” She laughed. “In books, the woman always says make love with me. Someday I’ll say that. When I know what I’m doing. Teach me, Drew. Teach me how.”

  “I didn’t tell you I loved you so you would have sex with me.” He wanted her to be sure. It was a big step. A line she couldn’t hop back over.

  “I’m glad you said it first, before we did this.” Slipping her hands under the hem of his t-shirt, Tyler silently urged him to raise his arms. She felt powerful, emboldened. Pulling the material over his head, she tossed it to the side.

  So lean. Slim but way better developed than any of the boys who ran around her neighborhood shirt-free. None of them made her breath catch or her palms itch to touch. Drew did both. The best part. She already had permission to touch to her heart’s content. That day seemed unlikely to come. How could she ever get her fill? She would want him forever — longer.

  “You aren’t pressuring me or manipulating me.”

  Tyler smiled at his gasp. She barely grazed his stomach. What other responses could she get? She was going to enjoy finding out.

  “Maybe you should take my shirt off.”

  Drew closed his eyes, giving himself a quick talking to. He was the one with experience. Time to stop letting Tyler drive this train. His nerves be damned. If he wanted to make it good for her, he needed to take control.

  “Don’t be so impatient. We have all the time in the world.”

  Which was true. No one would come looking for him. Even if they did, they wouldn’t look down here. Tyler ran wild. Her friends would worry if she didn’t come home on time, not her family.

  “Do Rose and Dani know where you are?”

  “Yes.”

  Tyler was too busy tracing the ridges of his abs to give him more than a vague answer.

  “Will they miss you?”

  “Hmm.”

  Drew chuckled. “Will they miss you if you don’t come home tonight?”

  “Why wouldn’t I go home?” Tyler frowned. Her bedroom was just across the river. There was no reason she shouldn’t be in it by dark.

  “I want you to stay here. With me.”

  “All night?”

  “All night.” Drew cupped her face with his hands, giving her a gentle kiss. “In my arms.”

  “I’ll call them. Later.”

  This time his kiss was firmer. He let the passion grow sl
owly, letting Tyler understand how her body was reacting. He went through each step, shortcuts were not allowed.

  He spoke in low, intimate tones. Telling her how beautiful she was, how much he wanted her, needed her. The pace of their lovemaking was measured and controlled. And because of it, that much more exquisite. He didn’t hurry or rush. They had all night. As far as Drew was concerned, they had forever.

  TEARS RAN DOWN Tyler’s cheeks unchecked. She didn’t know when they started. She lay in his arms as a woman remembering what it was like to lie there for the first time.

  It made her heart ache. This time not with grief or regret. This was the ache that you felt when something finally began to heal. Ten years of an open wound, raw and painful. Tyler could actually feel it begin to stitch itself together. It wasn’t going to happen overnight. The scar would be visible. But it would happen. For the first time, she not only let herself have hope, she believed.

  “I didn’t want to make you cry. I promised myself that would never happen again.”

  “That was a stupid promise. And futile.” Tyler leaned over him, brushing at his cheek when one of her tears fell there.

  “We’re passionate people, Drew. The longer we spend together, the likelier one of us will cry.”

  “You think I’m going to cry?”

  “It can happen to even the manliest of men. Someday, Drew. You never know.”

  He wasn’t going to argue. Not when she was relaxed, her warm body close. They were in a place he had despaired of ever being again. He didn’t want anything to ruin this moment.

  “I don’t know what the future holds for us, Drew.”

  Tyler put her head on his chest just above the beating of his heart. She loved that sound. When they were younger, she would stay like this after they had made love, lulled to sleep by the rhythm.

  She still found it comforting. But she didn’t want to sleep. She had more vigorous activities on her mind.

  “Ty, I still need to tell you why—”

  “Not now.”

  She interrupted him with a slow, hot kiss.

  “I need you, Drew.”

  “Ty, sweetheart. I need you, too. You have no idea.”

  He didn’t think she knew? Ten years. Maybe it wasn’t fair that she saw every other man she had known as a placeholder — a pale imitation. She had the real thing now. Time to enjoy all of him. Top to bottom. Inch by mouth-watering inch

  Smiling, she straddled his hips, the sheet the only thing between her and his growing erection. Tyler rested her hands on his chest, leaning down to lick him starting at his belly button. Up, up. Her mouth found his and the passion flared faster than a match touching tinder.

  “Tell me you’ve missed this. Tell me I’m the only woman who has ever made you feel this way. Lie. I don’t care; just say it.”

  With a growl, Drew flipped her around until she was under him, her arms pinned above her head. He took her mouth, desperate, needy.

  “Look at me,” he said, his breath ragged. “Open your eyes, Ty. Look at me.”

  The gray of her irises was smoky, her gaze slightly blurred. It took a moment until he was certain she could see him — really see him.

  “I’ve only lied to you once. Ten years ago when I told you I didn’t love you, that I never had. Every word was like a knife twisting in my gut. Never again. Do you understand? No more lies.”

  Tyler stopped breathing. It wasn’t an explanation, but it was exactly what she needed to hear. He had loved her.

  She felt it. Her heart mending a little bit more.

  “Air, sweetheart. Breathe. Tyler, breathe.”

  She did, pulling in the much-needed oxygen. Breathing easy for the first time in years.

  “I’ve never wanted a woman as much as I want you.”

  “No?”

  He smoothed back her hair, his warm brown eyes taking in every inch of her beautiful, precious face.

  “Only you know how to touch me, Ty. Here.” He took her hand, bringing it to his face. She cupped his cheek, her thumb running over the day’s growth of beard.

  “And here.”

  This time he brought her hand to rest just over his heart.

  “Drew…”

  “Shh.”

  He kissed her again, a bit of the desperation replaced by something deeper. It was too soon to tell her how he felt. He still had so much to make up for, so much more to repair. Someday, though. Soon he would tell her. She was his first. The first to touch his heart. The first and only.

  Tyler pushed up, deepening the kiss. Her tongue found his, sliding, tasting.

  The mood switched again. Heat rose. Needing his flesh against hers, Tyler pushed at the sheet that still separated them. When her hands finally found the bare cheeks of his ass, she gave a shout of triumph. Removing one inconvenient piece of bedding wasn’t the biggest accomplishment, but at the moment it felt damn close.

  “I’m naked,” Drew said, his voice heavy with passion. “You aren’t.”

  “Pull the stupid dress off. Rip it. I don’t care. I’m not wearing anything underneath.”

  “Music to my ears.”

  Drew would have done just as she suggested. He was about to turn the dress into a shredded rag when someone pounded on the RV door.

  “Ignore it. They’ll go away.”

  Instead, the noise got louder. The person had moved from the door to the small window just over their heads. The knocking was so hard it rattled the bed.

  “Goddamn it.” Drew leaned over and pounded back. “Unless you want to be spitting blood and teeth, you better get the hell away from here.”

  “Boss?”

  “Tripper?” He looked down at Tyler. Her expression was somewhere between frustrated and amused. Drew had a hard time finding any humor in the situation.”

  “Go to bed. Whatever it is can wait until morning.”

  “It’s Al, Boss. He got into a fight over some whiskey and a woman. A couple of guys beat the shit out of him.”

  “Son of a bitch.”

  Drew rolled off the bed. Within seconds, he had on jeans and a t-shirt. He pulled on his boots before opening a hidden panel behind the dresser. Expertly slipping a full clip of bullets into a gun, he tucked it into the waistband of his pants.

  “Tyler—”

  “Give me a second to put on my shoes.”

  “I want you to stay here. Keep the door locked and whatever you do, don’t let anyone in.”

  “Are you crazy?” She exclaimed. “You have the muscles and the gun. I’m sticking with you.”

  Drew didn’t have time to argue.

  “Fine. But put on some underwear first.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE BLAST OF heat that hit her as they left the RV wasn’t a surprise. However, it was unwelcome. The sun was down; had been for several hours. Yet it felt like the temperature had risen, not decreased. How was that possible?

  “Tell me what happened?”

  “Al hooked up with some old buddies he used to hang with in the Navy.”

  “What are a bunch of water jockeys doing in the desert?”

  “That’s what Al kept asking. The more he drank, the more he complained about the heat and the sand. He hated the Navy, Boss. Half a bottle of tequila, and he’s missing every last thing about it.”

  Drew had taken her hand the instant they left the RV, keeping her close. His eyes were constantly moving, anticipating any threat.

  Earlier, there had been one big crowd, now the groups were smaller, more specific. It made it harder to guard against an unexpected attack. There was a lot of drinking and drugs. Mini-fights broke out without any notice. Drew didn’t want to inadvertently be dragged into one. A gun might beat a knife ninety-nine percent of the time. Right now, dealing with a bunch of unruly drunks in a dark, isolated area made the odds a hell of a lot less in his favor.

  “If I tell you to run, run. If I say hit the ground, do it. Understand?”

  Tyler realized now was not the time for smartass quips
.

  “I understand.”

  They made their way through the shadows, trying to avoid any kind of confrontation, friendly or otherwise. To Tyler, it seemed to take forever. In fact, five minutes probably passed from the time they left Drew’s RV to when they got to the one Tripper and Al shared.

  “Why did you move? You know it’s safer to keep close to each other.”

  Tripper shrugged. Tyler could see the worry on his face.

  “Al—”

  “Jesus, Tripper. You told me when you recommended Al that he wasn’t a drinker and you could handle him. Did you lie?”

  Not waiting for an answer, Drew pulled open the door to an RV that looked identical to the one they had just left.

  Still holding her hand, Drew went in first, gave a quick look around, then pulled her inside. The similarities between the RVs ended at the door.

  Not that this one was a dump. It just looked more like your standard issue recreational vehicle. The real differences came in the upkeep. Or lack of it.

  Empty beer cans and bottles littered the floor. Dirty clothes in piles, takeout containers, flies. The smell of sweat, dirty feet, and rotting food was enough to make anyone gag. Add a top note of cheap aftershave. It had Tyler looking for the nearest window. Unfortunately, those had been covered with black construction paper to block out any light.

  Either Drew was used to the pigsty or he didn’t care. It certainly wasn’t his first priority.

  “I’m sorry, Boss. I didn’t realize he’d been drinking until one of his buddies showed up. They brought a couple bottles of the cheap stuff. The women they brought were even cheaper.”

  “Really?” Tyler hated that kind of attitude. She might not admire the women that followed these guys around. As a career choice, it seemed a bit limited. Calling them cheap just pissed her off. Men loved taking what was offered. Then they loved acting like the woman was the problem.

  “Sorry, Miss Tyler.”

  “Don’t apologize to me. Go find one of the cheap women and tell her you’re sorry.”

  “Tyler.” Drew sighed. “Can we save the feminist rhetoric for later? Once I have all this taken care of, I’ll be happy to help kick the ass of every disrespectful jerk within a five-mile radius.”